If I could have it my way, I would paint the world white. Then we would all have a fresh start in living.
There is a greater hand at play in my life. So evidently, that if I choose to ignore the signs and hit the wall again, my pride may be too impossible to remove.
Someone said because this blog is in my name, I won’t write anything too personal, too deep, too dark. True and yet not true. This isn’t a place for confession nor a place to ‘kiss and tell’. This is my real emotions and thoughts in words, to clear my head and my heart. To note down, so I’ll remember easier. This is the real me.
I hold back saying some things not because it’s too ‘secret’ or ‘personal’ but I think of the reasons why I write it. Unlike talking, I can think twice before I post it. Talking, I tend to let my pride and stupidness get in the way.
God has been evidently putting people, and happenings in my path, ever more strongly in the last few weeks. Not answering my specific questions but guiding me to be a better person. First half of this year has been the worst roller coaster parts of my life, and thats coming from me, who has been going through roller coaster most of my life. Not as horrible incidents as a lot of people, no saying I had the worst life ever, but it was a lot to take for a normal girl growing up. I’ve been a Christian most of my life, I know the fundamentals of it, but I’m no holy-moly church goer. Yet I cant deny He is always here for me, and now trying to save me from myself; The greatest toxic.